Looking Back To See Ahead

It’s funny sometimes what things make me happy.

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Sometimes it’s such simple things. Last night was the first time in a long time that it felt like I had Em back. The Em I fell in love with. Although she’s still sick, we were able to actually lay in bed and snuggle. We talked, not about anything, just talked. It was so nice. For the past few months all I could do was worry and pray I didn’t lose her. I’ve tried to work and keep the bills paid while at the same time being both mom and dad to our kids, trying to keep enough laundry done so we all had clean clothes, keep food on the table and still be her nurse.  She was always too sick to talk and hurt so bad that even me touching her bothered her. I was always too tired myself to do more than just pass out when I would finally get in bed. No one other than her and I know how tough it’s been. Now she seems to be improving and it makes me so happy. I’ve missed my mildly crazy, impossibly chatty wife.

We have talked in the past and both of us want what we had in our old home in Mississippi. A quiet place where we can relax, watch our children play and grow, and where we can have our critters. Simple. Peaceful. Quiet.

Today out of the blue she texted me a picture of some black-faced sheep. It led into the whole “Honey? What do we need with a wool sheep? Aww its cute! But what do we need with it? I love you and I bet you could find me one…or two. well, I guess you could learn to spin wool. Connor will be old enough to help you in a few years…” conversation. I had to laugh out loud. It was like old times. I’ve always been the serious one. She’s the spontaneous one. I’m quiet and always thinking ahead and planning things, she is always pulling pranks and making me laugh and forget what I was doing. Now we seem to be getting back to where we were before she got sick.

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Tomorrow I’ve got to get up early and go do a side job then come home and work at the sawmill for a while. Then Sunday morning I’ve got an appointment to go pick up the keys and sign the contract on the farm land. I’m excited. It’s going to be a ton of work, but I’m so looking forward to Em and I getting our life back. We can have a garden and our critters again. Fresh eggs. Baby goats. Pretty flowers. I should be dreading all the hot, back-breaking work ahead of me but I’m actually looking forward to it. I love doing things where I can see the change day to day. It’s a catch 22 in a way. Work is slowing way down so  should be able to have lots of time to work on the place but it also means I’ll be struggling to be able to afford to drive back and forth. It will all work out though. I’ll see that it does. I’m a country boy and am old enough to know better while still too young to care.

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Life is good. I might be sick, but it won’t last. I might be broke, but I’ll make a living. I might be old, But I still have dreams. We have a good life. We have wonderful kids, a roof over our heads, a place to start our farm again and we have each other. We have faced adversity and overcame it. When I sit and watch our kids play I know that we are so blessed.

I’ve made a good start on my seed list so far. I can’t really finish it until I get enough of the farm cleared to take some measurements and decide where the garden will be and how large, but I know what I’ll be planting if not how much. In the next week or so I should be able to print a list of the crops and which week it will be planted. It’s a complicated thing figuring the planting dates for each crop, the germination date, the harvest dates, the companion plantings that go in with it, succession planting dates and still make sure I have a steady output at the times I need it. Lots of non farmers think its just a matter of planting a seed and waiting but it is so much more. I also have to figure in the organic levels, PH levels, water needs, fertilizer needs, sunlight hours needed per crop and whether or not it needs supports, netting, stakes or fencing. Farming is at least as much art as it is science.

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