It’s a story for another day, how we came to be back here, but we are living in Mississippi again in our old house.
We were out of state for two years, six months and one day. My uncle has been taking care of our place here but all the outbuildings are pretty much like we left them. The garden is mostly planted and looking good other than being grassy, but was planted mainly out of habit, not to get the maximum amount of food produced like I always did. I’m still very thankful that someone was here to keep the place up though.
Emily is in the hospital here. Today makes one week she’s been there. She has two blood infections, one of which has settled in her heart and has caused abscesses in her brain. She is forgetting things more every day. Today she forgot our son’s name. Yesterday she couldn’t remember the name of the town she was in. It’s got her depressed and sad. She has also been very moody. The doctors think as they get the fever and infections under control her neurological problems will improve. Right now though it’s just a waiting game. It hurts seeing her suffer but all I can do is be here for her and pray things get better. Today they told me they are expecting to keep her in the hospital in isolation at least a couple of more weeks.
Tonight she asked me to write our story. She said she is scared she will forget “us”. I keep telling her things will get better but finally I promised that as I get time I will write our love story. I also promised that if she did ever forget that I would read it to her every single day. Let’s hope she just gets better like the doctors have assured me will happen. The alternative is more than I can bear.
The kids are happy here. I’ve never seen them so happy. Laughing, playing, running all over the farm. Yesterday I got the girls registered for school and I earned a whole new respect for all the things Em has always taken care of for me. I have taken too many things for granted. Now that I’m doing all the school stuff, the shopping, the cooking, the cleaning, the running errands and paying all the bills… It’s a real eye opener. I think I want to go back to just being the guy that works like a dog then comes home and collapses on the sofa lol. But I will be mommy and daddy too as long as I need to. That’s who I am.
We have been struggling financially since we returned but every day gets a little better on that front. I have some of the most wonderful friends and family. I’ve had family help me with Em, help with the kids, groceries, even offering to help me get the farm cleaned up and going again. I’ve had friends help us financially to pay bills and have gas to run back and forth to see Em. Friends that have given us clothes, furniture, dishes and such and even some critters to help us get the farm going again. We have a wonderful friend and partner taking care of the little pet store we had to leave behind. I had about forgotten what it felt like to have a support system. Just having a place where we can have friends over just to talk to is wonderful.
In the past few weeks I’ve went from being a nervous wreck and stressed out of my mind back to being me. The guy that knows he will make it. I have my confidence back, my mojo if you will. I haven’t really relaxed yet, but I’m getting there. Just being able to go out in the garden and run my fingers through the soil, to walk out to the barn and muck out stalls, to sit on a feed bucket and watch the chickens chase bugs does me much more good than any amount of therapy.
Today I actually got started working on the farm again. I’m having to do what little I can between being at the hospital, taking care of the kids and trying to work at a money making job. Today I tilled up a small area of the garden to get started on a fall planting. I’ll be tilling more and more as the crops we have now are finished. I also cleaned the hallway of the barn and started on the larger stable. I spread several wheelbarrow loads of composted manure on the tilled area of the garden. I hope to have that area planted by this weekend. I also did a bit of sitting in the shade in a broken lawn chair just thinking.
Life is tough. But so am I.
We are going to be ok.