I haven’t written in my blog for months now I guess. Just so much going on and haven’t been in the mood for writing.
But this morning I got a message from a friend with a little story about prayer and although I’d read it before, today it really touched me.
I’m human. Sometimes I get worried, stressed, moody and yes, sometimes I even get to feeling sorry for myself. But not today. Today I choose to be thankful for what I do have and believe that it will get better.
Lily, our seven year old went back to school today for the first time in about a week because she had strep throats and an ear infection. The two boys both have a cold and are miserable with coughs and runny noses. Poor babies are sick and crabby. My wife has narcolepsy and our insurance won’t cover her meds and she’s having a tough time with the passing out and hurting herself falling. Then last night she starts running a fever. I guess she’s getting the crud everyone else has had.
Me? I’m still about the same. Weak and pretty much useless, but I guess I’ve recovered as much as I’m ever going to from the stroke. I can walk ok, able to do a little, but I don’t guess I’ll ever be able to work a real job again. My disability was turned down, and although I appealed it, who knows if I’ll ever get any help.
So basically we’ve had no income for six months now. I’ve had friends and family help us what they could and Em has constantly been finding things to sell to help out. But there hasn’t been a time in six months we’ve had over ten bucks between us in cash.
But the thing is….
We are still here. God has had his hand over us. We might be dang tired of what we have to eat, but we haven’t missed a meal. The kids have enjoyed having both Mom and Dad home for once. We have a little Christmas tree and by next week we will have enough presents for the kids to have a nice Christmas. Emily and I are closer and more in love than we have ever been. We have a decent car that actually runs now. It might not have a heater or defroster and it might need a little work but it’s ours and it’s paid for. We have a little project we are working on that if we can get it going good will eventually give us a way to get out of debt. We have a roof over our heads and we are blessed and we know it.
I get grief sometimes for my faith. That’s ok. If you don’t believe in God or prayer that’s ok too. I’ll still be your friend and I’m still going to have my faith. Because I know God is real and prayer does work.
I’m not a real religious feller. I don’t go to church like I should. I lived an evil life when I was young and stupid. I made mistakes. I wronged people and did a lot of crap I wish I could undo. But as I grew older I began to realize that the only possible way I’m still alive is because God wasn’t finished with me.
I don’t know what my purpose in life is. I’m not anyone special. I am just a simple country boy that gets up every single morning and does the best he can that day. Some days I do better than others.
I am blessed. Blessed with life. With wonderful kids, grandkids and a wonderful wife. Friends who pray for us and care about us. The ability to know and understand how blessed I am after the stroke. And blessed to have my faith to keep me sane when things aren’t so great.
But about prayer.
Prayers being answered is when our lights are turned off and I go into the woods and pray and my wife calls and tells me a friend just paid the bill.
It’s being one day from being turned off and I’m in the bedroom on my knees praying and I hear a knock on the door and a few minutes later my wife comes in and tells me a fellow auctioneer I haven’t even talked to in years heard I had a stroke and came by and paid the bill.
It’s being down to the skimpy in the cabinets and out of the blue a family member I don’t even get along with shows up at the door with several boxes of groceries.
It’s being months behind on payments and so far nothing has been repossesed even though it should have been.
It’s laying in a hospital bed paralyzed and unable to talk and hearing the doctors say I might never get better then a few days later walking out of there on my own two legs. (Ok, with a cane, but walking nonetheless)
It’s living long enough to finally be able to understand the love and sacrifices my Mom made for me when I was a worthless punk kid and being able to tell her how much I love her.
God is good. Life is good. I am blessed.
Today I am going to be thankful for all my blessings and I’m going to think of ways I can pay the blessings I’ve received forward.